For the first time since the franchise’s 2016 release, the Overwatch team is embracing love by creating an event all about Valentine’s Day. The Ultimate Valentine’s Day event runs from Feb. 14 to Feb. 28 and comes with a bonus dating simulator in the form of Loverwatch.
A bouquet of new, romantic voice lines were added with the season three launch on Tuesday, Feb. 7, however, so players can get an early look at the corny (or cringe-worthy) content coming their way next week. All of the lines can be unlocked by completing challenges during the Ultimate Valentine’s Day event.
As an expert in the field of thirst and terrible decisions, I felt it important to rate these new voice lines and see how they reflected on the overall “rizz” potential of Overwatch 2’s cast. The lines are rated on a 10-heart scale based on how charming the line is, how well it’s delivered, and how much it will inspire people to fork over $20 to give that hero a sparkly new outfit.
Let the love fest begin.
Hanzo
“Shot through the heart…and I’m to blame.”
Hanzo delivers a solid 80s music reference that’s also a nod to his new identity as the world’s grumpiest Cupid in Loverwatch. For those of us who sorely need to be taken out, either on a date or with a sniper rifle, this is the ideal voice line for the holiday.
Rating: Eight hearts out of 10.
Sojourn
“Hey, you’re alright.”
It’s a simple line without a lot of romantic magic, but this one is clearly for the people out there who crave one iota of positive attention from someone who is usually barking orders at them. You likely love a challenge and Sojourn is here to give you one.
Rating: Six hearts out of 10.
Moira
“Aren’t you just pathetic?”
Yes, this is a romantic Valentine’s Day voice line, but it caters to a very specific crowd that likes being stepped on and (affectionately) told they’re trash in their off-hours. If you main Moira, you’re probably already used to that, so this line will definitely do it for you.
Rating: Two hearts out of 10 if you’re normal, eight hearts out of 10 if you want Moira to experiment on you.
Ramattra
“Our lives are short. Will you spend yours with me?”
I’m fully aware my life will probably be shorter if I’m in the same zip code as Ramattra, but if he keeps delivering lines as good as this one, it’d be worth it. This omnic was programmed with more game than most Overwatch 2 players will ever have in their entire bodies. He’s built differently.
Rating: 9.5 hearts out of 10.
Junkrat
“Happy Valentine’s Day.”
This is a very simple line but Junkrat delivers it with a tone that implies you just showed up at his door in lingerie while holding a heart-shaped package of C4. Considering how much fan artists–and the game’s designers themselves–have been “yassifiying” Junkrat these days, this line is probably working for a lot of people.
Rating: Seven hearts out of 10.
Lúcio
“Would you be, uh…my, uh…why is this so hard?”
He might be a best-selling musical sensation with serious moves, but Lúcio is apparently as awkward as the rest of us when it comes to love. This line might be the most realistic one. It’s so dorky, so cute, and so genuine that it just melts your heart.
Rating: Nine out of 10 hearts.
Pharah
“Don’t fly away with my heart.”
Calm down, boys. She’s not clearly not hitting on you, she’s hitting on Mercy. This line is only for the hardcore shippers and they may very well have a heart attack before they ever have a chance to fly away with anything Pharah owns.
Rating: Six hearts out of 10.
Widowmaker
“Do you really want to be with me? I can be dangerous.”
Widowmaker is celebrating the holiday with the understatement of the year in her romantic voice line. “Dangerous” is certainly putting it lightly since she murdered her husband and she’s implying you could be next. However, the line is delivered in a way that kind of makes you want to be next.
Rating: 9.5 hearts out of 10.
Roadhog
“Wanna see a movie?”
I, for one, can’t wait to see Shrek 85 and share an entire bucket of popcorn with this guy. It’s a basic but effective line, even if few people will take him up on the invitation other than Junkrat.
Rating: Six hearts out of 10.
Sigma
“You are my starlight.”
On one hand, Sigma is certifiably off his rocker. On the other hand, he’s absolutely the kind of man who will write an entire book of poetry about you. The verses may be written in Sharpie on the padded walls of his cell, but they’ll clearly be beautiful.
Rating: Seven hearts out of 10.
Echo
“If I had a heart, it would beat for you.”
This line definitely has the same vibe as your Roomba telling you how much it loves you, but the romantic sentiment is still there. We truly hope this is the future of AI technology instead of the looming threat of chat robots taking our jobs. They can have our hearts instead.
Rating: Six hearts out of 10.
